Progressing, Regressing, or Static?

I’m thankful for the advancements women have made in past decades. But though a lot has changed, not enough has changed. And we still face stony-faced resistance against the progress we still need to make.

The resistance shows itself when “Take Your Daughters and Sons to Work Day” rolls around. Remember the good old days, when we first greeted it as “Take Your Daughters to Work Day”? When it was an answer to the resistance to women in the public sphere, when it’s purpose was to instill in our daughters the awareness that they have every right to enter professions, any profession? Remember when it was meant to overcome the toxic message that they were rightly confined to the domestic sphere, with no say in public policy?

I don’t begrudge boys the opportunity to learn about the livelihoods of their fathers, and to be able to explore what path they want to take as adults. But the point of “Take Your Daughters to Work Day” was that boys already had all of that, and too many girls were denied that. The day’s purpose was to help girls to break free of oppressive, confining, unjust demands; it was to give them a self-image as people worthy of the same opportunities as the boys. It was to show them their mothers, and other women, as role models with successful careers in the public sphere.

The reaction to “Take Your Daughters to Work Day”—to change it from a proudly feminist tradition to a generic one—reveals how deeply ingrained resistance to women’s equality still works to create drag on our pursuit of equality.

I suggest a more apt answer to “Take Your Daughters to Work Day”: on that same day, let’s establish “Keep Your Sons at Home Day.” Let’s work at chipping away oppressive roles, and let’s teach our sons to participate in, and respect, the unpaid work done in the home. On “Keep Your Sons at Home Day,” fathers would stay at home with their sons. They would teach them about competently doing laundry, scrubbing bathrooms, cooking, and managing a home. They would teach them that juggling the responsibilities of child rearing and maintaining the home is a high-skilled, demanding job. They would teach them how to prioritize, how to manage their time, how to defuse a cranky, defiant child, and how to rearrange priorities in the case of an emergency. They would teach them that once they marry and have children of their own, they should honor their obligation to do their fair share of the household work.

The reaction we have had to “Take Our Daughters to Work Day” reveals a lingering lack of respect in society for work in the home. Boys are still taught to avoid any activity or appearance associated with girls and women; they’re taught that a likeness to anything thought feminine is something to be ashamed of. They’re taught to avoid it as you would avoid the ebola virus.

I’m glad that when boys participate in this day, they’re seeing their mothers in non-traditional roles. And I don’t want them denied opportunities. I just remember my glimmer of hope when I saw girls provided a hand-up in overcoming the resistance to equality that still besets us. Now, this day looks like another day that enables more of the same disrespect for the feminine in America. Now it’s a once-hopeful breaking of chains co-opted by foes of women’s equality.

A lot has changed, then, but not enough has changed.

Femjocks vs. competitve female athletes

This spring season I’ve had the opportunity to join my first ever all-women’s sports league–PADA (Philadlephia Area Disc Alliance) Spring Women’s Ultimate. And I have to give it to my team in particular. These women are impressive athletes, they’re competitive, they bring white boards to the field in order to set up plays and to teach new people what stacks are and how to mark force. Our team captain wears a full-face mask to protect the bones in her face which have been broken too many times for her to worry about what kind of scary movie serial killer she must look like to the opposing teams. Many of them have been playing with each other for upwards of eight years, and they know many of our opponents, having played on the same teams as them in past seasons. On our first day our captain called us in from the drills we were doing so that we could all introduce ourselves, tell each other what our goals were for the season and to genuinely get to know each other. I couldn’t ask for more, seriously!

Before this season started I was having a lot of anxiety about playing, as a relatively new player, and having finished my last season of (co-ed) Ultimate a year earlier as the woman no one threw to, including my boyfriend. Ultimate Frisbee is supposed to be a kind of friendly adult sport, in that the focus should be on spirit of play while kicking ass, not being an asshole while kicking ass. So everyone I talked to before trying Ultimate for the first time two years ago was very encouraging that it was a teaching game, that new people were welcomed and given a shot at developing skill.

But then I came up against the truth, if I may make some generalizations: most men didn’t want to befriend me and help me to build skill, probably because they couldn’t remember who I was since I had no defining characteristics (”The fast one,” “The tall one that can D anything,” etc) and because I, the new player, made mistakes here and there; and the women wouldn’t befriend me because…well some of them felt the same way as the men–I guess they didn’t subscribe to the whole spirit thing either–and some of them simply were so anxious about keeping what reputation they had with the guys intact that they didn’t have any room in their warm up for as much as a “Hey Becca, you want to toss around?” These ladies I call femjocks. They aren’t necessarily good at much, although many are. They simply have an attitude of conceit, as though the only chance for worth on the field is a person’s skill. Which is too bad if you are new, because that would mean you are worthy of being ignored and smirked at when you drop the disc the first time–and hopefully the last, some of them think–you receive it. Most importantly is possibly that the femjock’s conceit eerily seems to resemble the male jock’s version of conceit–as seen in the femjock’s concent to unwarranted meanness and criticism towards people who are not just like them. I’m sure this could be argued, but meanness in men and women present in different ways a lot of the time, and the meanness I’ve seen in femjocks mimics their male counterparts.

My only guess as to why so many women end up as femjocks is that they are constantly bombarded in co-ed sports by the same attitude from men as they (and the men) gave me. Like Hillary Clinton’s abrasive declarations of national security, these women have had to take up masculine athletic roles, instead of plain athletic roles, in order to “play the game,” as it is defined–by men.

So going into Women’s Ultimate was kind of like my last-ditch effort to ever enter into team sports, with hopes that it would be different without men around. And while my own self-judgments and frustrations are still present when I act clumsily or mishandle a play, or just simply wish I was better at it already, the women are instructional and exude the spirit of ultimate that I was told so much about in the beginning. In fact, there is a women on my my team now who ignored me during my first co-ed season, and I’m pretty sure she’s not a femjock outside of co-ed sports! I’m overjoyed this season to have found out that there is a space for women to be competitive athletes as women, and not femjocks.

To all of you with a lot more experience playing in co-ed leagues, I am sure you could offer a lot more than just generalized analysis and I hope you will share some of your insight here!

God, Evolution, Equality

Apparently, in ancient Egypt, women and men were essentially equally autonomous as men and were free to pursue life. They believed the universe was ordered and rational in truth and balance, and the deity that maintained, indeed represented, this was a goddess called Maat. She was invoked whenever there was something to be judged, and she was the law that Pharaohs had to follow.

The ancient Egyptians were seen by neighboring countries as having their social order screwed up, since in Egyptian culture, men did not find the need to restrict women (other cultures did, in order to keep women focused on child-rearing), and women and men’s roles overlapped more–women in commerce and on ships and doing manual labor and fighting, while it wasn’t seen as odd for men to stay home and do child care while the women were out. Women were still seen as mothers and home-makers first, but they were not constricted by mandate to give birth to a ton of children ( they didn’t need more children for workers), so they had more freedom.

Then the Greeks came along and adopted the same idea but called it Logos.

Then the Christians, and they started out calling it Logos, but ended up with Jesus.

Somewhere along the way the idea that this Maat was the female balance of the universe lost its meaning, because somewhere in there SHE got changed to HE, therefor when Maat/Logos/Jesus is invoked in matters of judgement and rule, the female is not maintained, represented, protected, it’s not respected or valued. This is the world we live in today.

Natalie Angier’s essay “Biologically Correct” gives a great synopsis of what she thinks is wrong with evolutionary psychology today–the belief systems that credit men for being more energetic and ambitious, restless in their sexuality and in life, while women are seen as more sedentary, using their influence to try to trap men into commitments.

She postures that men and women share the same two innate desires: 1) access to resources like water, food, and clothing/shelter; and 2) control over their sex lives and reproduction. And since men cannot give birth, for men number two means control over women.

That women have been solely reliant on a men’s paychecks and support is very recent, she argues. Because, like other primates, human women have always developed powerful networks of community to help them raise their young, giving and receiving the resources needed for survival among their groups.

In these systems, men are not needed for much more than a sperm donation as far as I’m concerned–a good reason for men to restrict women to very confined areas of society, so that they are not able to access the resources and networks that are required for a more independent lifestyle. (Female humans are the only primates that cannot freely walk down the streets of their neighborhood without being harassed and attacked by their male counterparts…WTF?)

Keeping women pregnant is another way to keep women more dependent, which is what Christianity has forced on women since it’s inception. In fact, studies show that when women have control over their reproductive rights, birth rates fall and so does poverty. Obviously the ancient Egyptians did not need as many children as laborers, because women helped with the physical work, so the excuse that a farmer, for instance, needs more children, is bullshit. If the women weren’t pregnant and suckling so much, they’d be plowing and tilling.

I’m not arguing that women today should find ways to not need men–although I firmly believe that all women should be financially and emotionally stable enough (i.e. enough friends and family in their networks) to survive on their own at the drop of a hat. I’m arguing that we humans must have brains big enough to work out a deal that allows women autonomy, respect, and empowerment, while both men and women are happy with their reproductive roles.

Why I Love Her: Anita Hill

Anita Hill is particularly well-known for her 1991 sexual harassment testimony against then Supreme Court nominee Clarence Thomas. She had worked for him on several different occasions ten years earlier, and her testimony was graphic.

What is undeniably clear about this case is that the courts made Thomas’ case about race, and Hill’s case about sex. And by a narrow margin, 52:48, Clarance Thomas won. His testimony was filled allegations that Hill’s testimony were a subversive way of attacking him because he is black, and were related to previous discrimination he had felt as a black man acquiring power in politics. For shame that he created that possible relationship, thereby diminishing the validity of previous experiences of racism . He openly chastised the court for questioning his behavior towards Hill, using the race card to intimidate the white men into sacrificing a woman’s right to emotional and physical safety for a pat on the back for transcending racism.

Anita Hill is an example of courage, strength, and resolution, who continues to carry with her the stigma some have placed onto her: a liar or a deviant perverted crazy woman who was in love with Thomas to begin with.

During the hearing, the U.S. Senate Judiciary Committee had refused to let any expert testimony on sexual harassment enter the case. She was questioned as to why she would ever talk to such a man again, if her testimony were true. As June Jordan puts it in here essay Can I get a Witness?: “The senators didn’t seem to notice or to care that Thomas occupied the office of last recourse for victims of sexual harassment. And had the committee allowed any expert on the subject to testify, we would have learned that it is absolutely typical for victims to keep silent.”

Last year, When Thomas’ memior came out, and all of his supporters (including people who think Anita Hill is a liar or crazy person, and including people who think sexual harassment is a fairytale made up by manipulative women–i.e. misogynists) and all of his rage about the case came out into the public again, Anita Hill was faced with the question of whether or not to reengage with the debate that she officially lost in 1991. She courageously stepped up again to defend herself, and ultimately all women. You Go Girl!

It should also be noted that Anita Hill did not originally volunteer her testimony of being sexually harassed by Clarance Thomas. She was pointedly questioned by the FBI for that information, and she was simply telling the truth and following the law by providing the FBI with the information they wanted. Because of her courage, the U.S. culture around sexual harassment took a monumental turn towards exposure and empowerment for women to stand up for themselves.

It’s a shame that almost 20 years later, a lot of us still don’t know what or how to stick up for ourselves and each other when sexist comments and harassments are made. Many are passed off as jokes or harmless. Others are dismissed as unimportant because they are made by strangers we don’t plan to have to deal with ever again.

I believe that woman and men have a significant challenge to expose these things and deny them room in discourse and behavior. Between strangers, colleagues, and even friends and partners.

Taking the Lead

Recently my partner and I have been doing a lot of Salsa Dancing, and at some point we began a conversation about the assumption that the man has to lead the woman in partner dancing.

We ended up agreeing, after some consternation on his part (with some undertones that suggested that my very wish to lead him threatened his manhood…) that there really is no reason I shouldn’t be allowed to learn leading AND following, especially since each position has to be learned and practiced. In other words, being the follower part in a dancing duo doesn’t come naturally to the woman just because she’s a woman.

It’s hard to learn to give up control of your body while simultaneously letting someone else push it around any which way they want. In addition to this, the more I watched the others dancing the more I realized that a lot of men use their women partners as a sort of spinning toy. Throwing her around and around while they completed basic steps; watching her thrust her hips and tits in time with the music while they remain almost in the same position the whole time. One of our more seasoned salsa-dancing friends leaned in to me at some point to let me know I should practice spinning a lot because otherwise I’d get sick eventually with Salsa.

Sick? WTF? What about the dudes? Are they getting sick too? I think not!

So despite all of the really bad examples of partner dancing that we see at our regular Salsa dance party joint, there is one couple that inspires me to keep trying for a better situation at least in my own partner dancing. They are a man and woman, the man is leading, but the difference in them is that they are both extremely skilled! The man shakes his hips, spins and rolls his arms up and down his body in a sexy display, alongside his female partner. Shoot, I’d go just to watch them dance.

Anyway, it’s possible that the inequalities that I’ve seen so far in this dance tradition are a combination of the male-as-dominant and male-as-owner concepts and a simple lack of spirit and skill on the part of more men than their female partners (who are primed to look as sexy as possible to begin with!).

Statistic Time!

Women overall earn 76 percent of what men earn–up from 59.4 percent in 1970, though the narrowing gap is partially due to a decrease in men’s earnings, and mostly affects single working women.

Three quarters of women working full-time still make less than $25,000 a year.

Women in executive, administrative, and managerial positions earn 68 percent of what their male counterparts earn.

Women pharmacists get 86 percent of what male colleagues earn.

Women college professors 77 percent.

Women surgeons 76 percent.

Women lawyers 70 percent.

Women engineers 82 percent.

Women construction workers 74 percent.

Women truckdrivers 71 percent.

The number of women veterinarians increased 22-fold from 1989 to 2001 (the fastest gaining occupation for women, who are now almost 43 percent of vets), but they earn 15 percent less than male vets.

And even in traditionally “female” fields:

Women nurses only make 94 percent of male nurses.

Social workers 93 percent.

Elementary school teachers 90 percent.

Food-prep serice workers 89 percent.

And 80 percent of working-poor mothers have less than one week of sick leave per year.

(all from Sisterhood is Forever: The women’s anthology for a new millenium, compiled and edited by Robin Morgan)

Creating an Equosphere

The feminist thing these days isn’t about turning our current patriarchy into a femosphere. It’s about equality. Most people understand that there is still a lot of racism in our culture, but sexism is often quickly dismissed as being “over” or only a platform for lesbians and bull dykes to steal the reins of life out of men’s hands..

Seriously now, this is one side:

And then we go to the middle, where we can see that a lot of women are completely intimidated by the stigma that goes along with considering yourself a feminist. Three or four months ago I felt the same way. Some friends and I were starting up a regular meeting to talk about Women’s issues and Feminism and I argued for a while about calling it a Feminism Group..until I realized that I was just scared to go political (by embracing a heavily political word into my self-definition) about my rights. Well, fuck it, you can’t skirt the system and make a difference in your own lifetime!

I had personal fears too: I was raised in a Catholic/old-school-American culture, which makes me afraid of being considered a lesbian if I want to stop shaving my legs or if I act as powerfully and aggressive about my goals as men do. I was afraid that people would consider me a mud-slinger and man-hater instead of what I hope to be–someone who can dialog about differences and who is seeking a common ground based on equality, fairness, truth, and forgivness.

It’s hard for women and men to feel empowered to take back politically heavy words and use them in their identity. Seriously, society has a lot of power:

Are You A Faminist?

But I think we’re onto something new these days. Most feminists I know are absolutely not man-hating. They are simply demanding to be looked in the eyes, given equal pay, to be educated as well as men, respected for their ability to calculate sound judgment and remember to stay emotionally connected. I think a lot of men are on board with this too. And are being challenged to reflect on the roles they are forced into.

I think we are all so deeply moved by sexism that it’s almost impossible not to fuck up, as we are still practicing and exercising our brains out of the rot that thousands of years of patriarchy has put them in. And so I think forgiveness is a large part of this process–for ourselves and for other people–while we dialog and challenge each other in new ways of living with each other.

To Quote a Man–
Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn (in The Gulag Archipelago) put it this way: “The line separating good and evil passes not through states, nor between classes, nor between political parties either—but through all human hearts.”

Feminism is part of wisdom, which I guess is something you have to believe in in the first place–you have to be in touch with the fact that there are common threads in humanity: to understand the pain of other people, to be able to relate to what motivates people (esp. when you are at odds with them), and to be able to see them, literally, as you see yourself–with all the self-worth you have directed towards them at the same time.

And then you have to ACT as though these things are your philosophy–which is, in my estimation, a life-long lesson-session

It sucks we can’t be closer to that sooner, in which case i think we’d have less violence and hate and greed. And would eliminate the need for Feminism altogether.

Here is a woman on her shit–